Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Tuesday Night Post #37

Usually around this time of year I feel a bit down.  Not because of the melancholy holiday season that helps us remember what we have loved and lost, or the drones of shoppers scrambling around trampling for the holy spirit, or the bombardment of Santa’s puke of green and red smeared over every wall, not even the tiresome list of holiday songs which sound off the many things this holy day represents, Rudolf I assume, got me down (well to be fair they did but not do to what many might think).  What has got me down in the past were feelings of guilt knowing that many of my love ones would be buying me gifts I would love and need.  Need? Yes, need like a new pair of pants or a bundle of fresh underwear.  
They would be putting money and time aside for me and in return I could only provide my acknowledgement and gratefulness.  Having been a fulltime student with a job in the past and being employed on and off since graduating I have never been able to consistently return this gesture.  Yes, many would say a nice handmade something or another would be quite a sweet gesture.  In the past I have done this but making something for every love one is quite a chore.  A chore not cursed upon, but a chore that required time and sometimes some income for supplies.  Others would say why bother.  This season was invented for spending and capital gain.  Well I feel the same, but that does not stop my love ones from giving to me. 
Well this year I have been fortunate to find consistent income, time, and patience, which provided something for the many that I love.  The list is long, many have touched me in profound ways but only a few consistently do it and are at arms length, so only the very close made it to my shopping list.  
To consume this is a thing we all do.  We also produce.  We are living in rough times.  Many are unemployed, underemployed, or heartbroken and at the end of their wick.  In a few months there will be more in this pool.  Our troops will come home looking to get back into the world they left and might have forgotten.  Where will they fit in this struggling economy?  How will they readjust?  How will they forget the world they left?  They are coming back from a world turn upside-down.   Will it feel the same in our world?
This holiday season I am a bit more joyful than in the past.  I am even getting a kick out of blaring Christmas songs, maybe in a semi ironic way, but the child in me will always be present, or presents???!!!  For some things turn for the best, but these are awkward steps on shaky ground.  There is a long road and a dark one that needs a bright light.  Personal embers ignite this internal light. 
God speed America.

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