There are times when one is confronted with the fact that one is not as strong as one wished they were. Situations that I have found test the limits of ones endurance. Tests that show how long someone can hold out and wait and struggle and hurt. After that has been seen and reached what now? Maybe next time one can know "this is it, this is my limit no more need to go through it again" or maybe say "Next time I know I can hold out longer see the fear real and alive with no fear". In any case I respect you for your decision. It is yours to see how much to save yourself pain and sorrow or test the limit of your soul. Try not to doubt your gut and feel empowerment in a choice.
-DBL
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Yet Another Circle Step
There’s an action I could perform
A distinct rudimentary silence that would be the result
It’s hard to visualize any other action that would make this situation
Removed from the inevitable end
You see I have this tree I love
It has grown high and wide
I have tended to it since I grew fond of it
As the years have gone by I have noticed its want's and its dislike’s
Once in an absent minded gaze I found this tree
Several things caught my eye but one is of our importance
It is the subject of these winding words
There is a section of this tree that I have always loved
A lyrical limb that cuts through space with a twist and a curve
That allows one to imagine the growth in the past and the direction
It is leaping towards
In a second the violent thrust imagined in the minds eye
Sweetness to me but a burden unraveled to disease
This limb I have tried to nurse, to care for
Hours and hours of attention and thoughts I have given it
I see now that it is the love of this appendage not for the tree that keeps me from
Doing this unsaid act
My friend, this tree, struggles from the weight and the disease that this limb offers
And struggles in this indecisiveness that I have
In all honestly I find this diseased limb quite beautiful in its own right
Changing and adjusting to this conflict
Stubborn in its need to live 'cause its unable to liberate itself
I sit and stare, gaze hard onto this tree thinking planning
Visualize the act
Trying to ingrain the action in my mind
Trying to feel my body do what it has to do in a dream
So I can do it in this world
In a daze I sometimes awake startled not knowing if what I had just seen was I
Or just a vision of my wanting mind
Then I see my friend
Looking lean and tired
Swaying struggling in its own dream of pain and torture
Then, the limb I see, beautiful in its grotesqueness
I am happy, for a moment, that the occurrence was just a fraction of my psyche
For you see I have this tree that I know
It has grown high and wide
I have tended to it since I grew fond of it
As the years have gone by I have noticed its’ wants’ and…
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